How Are You?

How are you?

How often are you asked this a day?  How many times do you ask someone else?  How do you answer?

I'm ok.
I'm fine.
I'm tired.

Those seem to be my standard responses.  What does fine mean? What does ok mean?  Do we really mean what we say?

Over the course of my marriage I have had to learn that when my husband says fine, it is not how I would use the word.  I used to get upset because I would ask him how dinner was and he would say fine.  To him, that means good.  To me, it means it was nothing special.  It was tolerable, not terrible, but not great. To him, fine and good all mean the same thing.  

We often say we are ok when we are not.  Why can't we be honest?  Why don't we take time to express how we are feeling? I know we don't have time for counseling sessions every time someone asks us how we are, but I wish we could be honest with ourselves and those around us when things are challenging.  This also means we can be more jubilant when things are going well.  

This goes against what seems to be social norms, but I see it as a challenge.  Be more open when things are both challenging and joyous.  There are benefits to not letting the roller coaster of life get to me, but I don't think saying life is OK everyday time when it is not is healthy.  We need to build relationships and look out for those around us.  We all face challenges and saying we are fine when we are not hides challenges which can make people feel alone.  We are all in this together and we all face challenges.

How are you today?  Is how you answered the truth?

Goodbye Facebook

This morning I deleted Facebook from my phone. I can still access it using a web browser, but it is one more step and I am hoping this will deter me from checking it all the time.  I like that Facebook allows me to stay in touch with my friends and family.  Especially those who I rarely get to see.  Lately though, it feels like I am sharing without really connecting with my family and friends. Facebook makes it easy to share pictures and information, but it does not guarantee that people actually read or notice what is shared.  

Summer and maternity leave have left me with extra time and I have found myself checking Facebook more often and comparing my life to what I see online.  Which usually leaves me feeling like I do not stack up.  Some days, I feel a great sense of accomplishment if my family is fed and my house is still standing at the end of the day.  My life is rarely (if ever) the glamour I see online.  I noticed at times that 'likes' made me feel happy and no reaction made me feel a little sad.  The comparisons were making me feel bad about myself at times. The impact Facebook was having on my psyche seemed to be bordering on unhealthy and was definitely not helpful.

It is a habit for me to check Facebook and like all habits, it is hard to break. I still check a few times a day, but it is dramatically less than I would if I had the app on my phone.  I am trying to focus on truly connecting with my friends and family through e-mail, phone calls and text messages.  I can still share pictures, but I share 1:1 instead of through social media.  It is going to be a process, but I believe there will be many positives from removing/limiting my time on Facebook.

Have you taken a break from Social Media?  How did it go?  How do you balance Social Media and the real world?

Lessons Learned from David Ross

David Ross is a catcher for the Chicago Cubs.  This is his second season with the team and it is amazing how quickly he has become a fan favorite.  Last season many were saying he was only here because he is Jon Lester's personal catcher, but this year he has cemented his place as a vital member of the team.  At the beginning of the season he announced that this season will be his last.  As the season winds down, his teammates are taking time to honor his career and his contributions to their team.  It really is remarkable that a player who is a backup and only plays every few days is getting this kind of attention.  Plus, he has only been in Chicago for two years.  To me, this proves that he is a respected member of the team and is highly thought of by his teammates and organization.

During his last regular season game at Wrigley the fans gave him a standing ovation every time he came up to bat.  In on the most touching moments I have seen, the Cubs Manager Joe Madden took him out of the game in the 7th Inning in order for the fans to recognize him once again.  It was a move that caught everyone off guard.

There are many lessons that can be learned from listening to interviews, watching him play and seeing how his organization respects him.  It may be baseball, but sports can teach and prepare us for life if we are willing to learn.  These are my reflections from watching him play this year.

• Focus on family. 
• Cherish the opportunities that come your way and be prepared to make the most of each one.
• Do things the right way.
• Relationships matter.  
• Be a great teammate, there is no excuse.
• Attitude is a choice.  It does not have to be influenced by circumstance. 
• One day the game, the job will be gone.  How do you want to be remembered?

A Time for Every Season

Years ago, at my grandfather's funeral, the pastor talked about how there is a time for every season. It is a theme found throughout the Bible. Living in the Midwest there are 4 seasons: Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring. When I lived in Alaska, I felt there were only three seasons: Summer, Cold and Really Cold.

In many ways, the idea that there is a time for every season is comforting. At the same time, I find it brings a bit of anxiety. There are many different seasons and our lives change constantly, but does this mean one season is more important than another? Does this mean I should look forward to other seasons?

In high school, seasons were separate. I played three sports and each had their season. As a musician, there was solo/ensemble season, musical season, marching season and large group contest season.  Seasons in my life also overlap and sometimes things need to be put on the back burning for a while. 

As a mom of a toddler, coaching for me has taken a back seat for the moment. As a mom of a 5 week old, this season is focused on staying home with her. Soon I will go back to teaching and my season will be as a mom and a educator.  The struggle for me is that some seasons feel like a let down.  I am 'only' a mom or 'only' a teacher.  That is where this idea of seasons really starts to bother me.  I know that my life will not always be like it is right now.  Eventually, I will be able to sleep through the night again and eventually my kids will grow up be more self sufficient. It is easy to feel like my season is not as important as what others are working on at the moment and I think this will be a constant struggle for me.

I am slowly working on accepting this new stage of life.  There is a season for everything and this season will not last forever, although sometimes it feels like it will never end.  There will come a day when I will miss the baby snuggles and miss the hilarious (albeit sometimes frustrating things) that my kiddos do.  I am trying to learn to enjoy this new phase of life and not compare my life to what I see around me.

What season are you in?  Are you enjoying it?  How do you accept this season and enjoy it to it's fullest?

Passion

What are you passionate about?

This has been a challenging question for me.  I always saw myself as a teacher and a coach who was willing do fill any positions that my school needed me to, but now I am starting to wonder.  What am I passionate about?  What activities fill my energy?  What activities sap my energy? This is not an easy question for me to answer and it is one that will require more time and reflection.

Morning Yoga

One of my fitness goals is to work on my flexibility.  I decided to start each morning with a quick Yoga routine.  YouTube makes accessing workouts and videos very easy.  Right now, my playlist includes only Tara Stiles workouts.  I find her to be laid back and her workouts are effective, but easy to follow.  Plus, I appreciate the variety of workouts and the fact that many of them are short. 5-15 minutes is the perfect length for me in the morning.

Sharing vs Connecting

One of my struggles lately is the idea of sharing on social media verse the idea of forming connections using social media.  Being home on maternity leave is wonderful, but I struggle with the lack of social interaction and I have found myself posting more often on Facebook.  It may be a random comment or a picture.  My life at the moment is consumed by Kiddo 1 and Kiddo 2, so many posts include them and their randomness.  

I find many benefits to being on Twitter, but I am beginning to question the role of Facebook.  At times, I find myself feeling like a slacker because I don't feel I  "measure up" compared to what I see online.  On Twitter it is easy to compare myself to what others have done and what I have not: I have not created a Twitter chat, I have not written a book, I have not created an organization and I am not an administrator. On Facebook, it is easy to compare myself to "perfect" lives others show in their pictures.

There is a place for social media, but I am concerned that we (maybe it is just me) are sharing post and pictures without really connecting with people.  We click the like button on Facebook, but do we communicate with others and make sure they are doing alright? Do we connect with them and enjoy their successes? Do we support them during times of struggle?

I know there is research about the dopamine that is released when a post receives likes and although I have not done a lot of reading on the topic, it is an area that interests me.  Life is wonderful and joyous, but it is also hard.  My life is filed with hilarious moments.  Toddlers have a way of adding joy, but they also bring moments of frustration.  This is real life, not the candy coated version we often see on social media.

It might be time for me to take a break from Facebook.  I know my family and friends appreciate seeing pictures of my family, but at times the level of frustration out weights the positives. It is time to text, e-mail or maybe even call people and connect with them instead of relying on Facebook and likes.

How do you balance connecting and sharing on social media?