My kids mock my plans. I mean, not to my face, but I feel like they mock me. I plan to get up early to have a few hours to work while the rest of the house sleeps and Kiddo 2 wakes up at 5 AM. I decide to stay up late and Kiddo 1 decides to stay up all night. I love getting up early. I love completing my to do list (or most of it) before 8 AM, but having 2 young kids makes this almost impossible. This desire to plan and keep a schedule and having two young ones who constantly disrupt it, is the biggest challenge for me as a mom. It is a constant source of stress and frustration for me.
How do you deal with it? I consider myself a patient person and I try to go with the flow, but when it comes to my house and schedule at home, I am terrible at it!
This morning I was getting frustrated with Kiddo 2 who had been fussy for over an hour and would not give in and go back to sleep. The poor kid was not feeling well so I needed to give her a break and relax a bit. I found myself feeling annoyed so I made myself read a Bible Study on my phone. I made myself do something productive. A few weeks ago I had found a Bible Study on the YouVersion Bible App called "Overwhelmed by my Blessings" and it seemed like it was written specifically for me. A few lines from the devotions stood out to me.
"You're going to have to decide to accept that (the situation) and do the best you can."
Embracing our situations and circumstances is not a one-time event. Life throws us curves each day."
"Here's the key: we don't receive His grace until we humble ourselves and admit that we can't do it on our own, no matter what 'it" is."
I have been trying so hard to control everything: 2 kids, 4 schedules, 2 schools, a house, private lessons and everything else that comes alone with being a mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter and human being. Over the past few weeks I have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that I cannot do it one my own. As a person of faith, I need God at the center of my life. I need Bible Study and prayer and time for reflection and meditation. I have been given many reminders of this, but I am a creature of habit (a bad one in this case) and I am slow to change. Change clearly needs to happen. I am tired of running late, be cranky, being angry and stressed. This morning my three year old asked me why I am always angry. That was a punch in the gut and yet another reason to work even harder at making things right.
It is time to try something new. It is time to trust. It is time to stop thinking I can and have to do everything myself. It is a time to make time for what is truly important, which for me is my faith. Being centered in whose I am. It is time for prayer, Bible Study, meditation and reflection. This is my new focus from now until January 1st and then I will reassess on the progress.