Three Years

Three years ago today I married my best friend.  Now, I know everyone says that and honestly everyone should.  If you don't think you are marrying your best friend, I would take that as a red flag.  In the past three years I have moved from Alaska to IL, started two new jobs, moved into my husband's house and in June we celebrated our daughter's first birthday.  Sometimes I can't believe it has been three years and other times I wonder how we are going to make it.  I know the statistics are not favorable, but I am confident that we are too stubborn to give up.  Regardless of how frustrated I become with my husband, I know there is no one else I would want to be stuck with (plus, I realize I would endure many of the same issues.)  Marriage is hard.  It is wonderful, but it is a challenge at times.  In three years I have learned more about relationships, communication and viewpoints than I did in my previous twenty-seven years on this earth.  

• People can look at the same situation and see it very differently.  When it comes to men and women, these differences are sometimes even greater.
• Don't assume anything.  What I say and what he hears are not always the same thing and vise versa.
• When you are mad at someone, it is very easy to make a list of their faults.  Don't let yourself get into a cycle of negativity. 
• Be intentional about everything: how you treat others, how you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself and how you spend your time.
• We each value different things and we value them differently.  
• Don't let how you feel dictate your life.  You may not always feel like being kind but it is almost always the best choice.
• You will see what you focus on.  You focus on their faults and you will see more of them.
• Your brain will see what you tell you tell it to see.  How you answer: Marriage is ________ and my spouse is ________ are vital.
• Just because it makes sense in your head does not mean it makes sense to someone else. 
• Let it go.
• Forgive.
• Don't keep a list of offenses. 
• Be clear on what you expect.
• Chances are your spouse will not see everything the way you do. 
• Keep your word.
• Give people a chance to process.  Don't overreact due to their first reaction.

As with everything in my life, I see parallels to life in general and teaching specifically.  These lessons are beneficial to all relationships.  Our students need our positive energy and they deserve teachers who demonstrate love, forgiveness, intentional behavior and who are not controlled by their feelings.  In the end marriage is about getting along with someone, which is true for school, a job and life in general.  Life is about relationships and how we treat others and how we interact are vital for happiness. 

Mistakes

Using Web sources correctly has been a hot topic lately and I realized while following Twitter conversations that I have broken these rules on occasion. This reflection has caused me to feel stupid but has also taught me a lot.

It is acceptable to reference a book online and give credit to the author, but it is not acceptable to reference online material without permission.

All online material needs to include permission and credit unless it is public domain or a free source.

I think back on the short history of my blog and I know that I have made mistakes. I have published blogs too quickly without thoroughly checking them, I have published using my phone which changes the format (still not sure why this happens), I have referenced lists and blogs while thinking that giving credit was enough and I have used pictures without giving credit.

I didn't realize I was doing anything wrong. I thought I was covering my bases, but now that I am aware of these issues I am going to do my best to correct them.

Recently,  I have read tweets where people are very upset because a person is doing something they deem as wrong. The inferences I make is that they believe these people are wrong, stupid, terrible people (fill in the blank with your negative adjective.) I know I have made mistakes and they were because I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing what was best.  Upon learning more and reflecting I have realized that I messed up. How often does this happen?

I choose to believe that teachers do not intentionally do wrong to a student.  Most of us do the best we can with the resources we have. Sometimes we look back with joy and other times embarrassment.

I challenge you to not feel anger towards another based on their tweets. The way they see a problem and how you see it may not line up. We need to take these opportunities to discuss with open minds and to learn from the situation.

Using Our Knowledge

I dislike playing tennis.  I like the idea of it, but I am not very good so I get easily frustrated when I play.

I love basketball,  but I dislike playing against my husband because I usually loose. I am not a good one-on-one player.

I know in my personal life that I put more effort towards activities wen I find success. I am successful which makes me want to work harder which usually leads to more success.

I think this fact is human nature. How can we use this information in our classrooms and schools to make them better?

I find it challenging to find activities that all twenty kids in my class will love, but I can help them find success in each activity. Chances are, students will enjoy the activity more if they feel successful.

It is easy to accept life's truths outside of the classroom, but I believe we need to do a better job of using this information in our classrooms.  It is very hard to learn if students feel like they are unable to do something.

What Do You See?

I was recent listening to a Joshua Medcalf track on Spotify (I strongly recommend them.) They are great tidbits of information and I have found them incredibly helpful especially when I am feeling frustration.

During this particular track, Joshua talks about how our brains have a vested interest in being correct and how you will see what you want to see. If you think girls are mean, you have a vested interest in only seeing that girls are mean. Therefore, what we tell ourself is vital to our view of the world. I have found this to be helpful. It is not always easy to do but it was a great reminder to be intentional. Have you ever noticed that when you are upset with someone it is easy to find more reasons to be upset with them? I soon find myself with a ton of reasons why I am upset with a person or proof that they are messing up. My brain is only focusing on the negatives.  What we tell ourselves colors how we see our world.

Here are a few questions that were eye opening for me and they are areas I need to be more intentional about as I begin a new school year.

Administrators are _____.
Specialists are _____.
Parents are _____.
Teachers are _____.
(Person) is _____.
My husband is _____.
My daughter is _____.
I am _____.
Music is _____.
Teaching is _____.
(This group of kids) are _____.
Coaching is _____.