Accepting this Phase

I am in my 9th of teaching. My husband is a teacher/principal and we have two girls under the age of three.

I am not the thought leader of a building, I don't have a TpT store, I don't vlog, I don't have my masters, I have not created a hashtag or started a movement on Twitter, I haven't written a book and no one is calling me to give a keynote. I try to blog because I need to get thoughts out of my head and writing helps me reflect. If I am being honest with myself it is also because I want to feel valued, like I have something to offer.

I am a teacher. I am a parent of young kids who often don't sleep, which means I often don't sleep. As I write this, I am laying on the floor in Kiddo 1's room because she woke up and wanted me to sleep by her (she has a bed but she got a new sleeping bag for Christmas and according to a three year old, you have to use it on the floor.) My girls are more used to mommy at nighttime because daddy was busy for the last two years getting his masters and being a principal. My life is full of laundry, dishes, keeping a house organized, packing lunches and taking care of my family while also trying to be the best teacher I can for my other "kids."

2017 was a year of me coming to terms with this and to be honest I am not all the way there. As an independent person who moved to Alaska for a teaching job on my own, it is hard to accept the fact that my career and opportunities I can take have to fit around my family. It is a hard pill to swallow. My family is in the phase where I have to take on more responsibility at home so my husband can further his career. I know it is a phase but that does not make it easy.

I have two choices. I can accept this reality or I can let it upset me. I have spent most of 2017 (read all of 2017) fighting it and letting it upset me. Letting it get me angry and frustrated. One year of that is enough in my opinion. It is not good for me, my family or anyone who has to be around me. 2018 is the year that I learn to accept the facts. Right now it is my job to take care of my kids and enjoy the cuddles and laughter while they are young. This role doesn't show up on a resume but it is still important. Right now I am "just" a mom and a teacher, but I am going to stride to be the best I can at both of these responsibilities. At times, I feel like a failure for not having a more impressive job but I am slowly learning to accept it. Good thing I have 365 more days to learn.