My Gold Star (and My Love-Hate Relationship with Facebook)

This blog post idea has been in my brain for weeks now.  Part of me has been hesitant to put words on paper because I am afraid I will sound silly or pathetic. Motivational speaker Brendon Burchard says there are millions of people in this world and thousands of years of recorded history, so we should not think we are the first to experience something.  This seems logical and is probably true. No, I do not think I am the first person to feel unappreciated or overwhelmed. But, what if I sound like a pathetic looser? What if I just need to deal with it and get over it? What if I am being childish and petty? Or, what if I am being human and experiencing a normal emotion? I am not sure which one it is yet, I hope that writing helps me find clarity. 

Writing has always helped me clear my head. That is the main reason I started blogging in the first place.  It helps me reflect and clear my head. Knowing other people can read it (regardless if anyone does), forces me to put my ideas into coherent sentences that will not embarrass myself or get me in trouble.  I love writing in a journal too, but because it is a "safe" place to write, I can get a little negative.  Posting in a public space helps me keep my thoughts more balanced. 

I have been having issues with Facebook the past few months.  I go stretches where I delete it from my phone and stop checking it.  It wasn't until recently that I figured out why Facebook bothers me.  I knew if made me feel depressed and like I did not measure up, but I could not express why.  Seeing a video someone posted last week made me realize why I was having issues with Facebook. 

This is going to sound childish and pathetic, but Facebook bothers me because I want my gold star.  Last November, I read the book 'Happier at Home' by Gretchen Rubin and she talked about the struggle of wanting recognition. We show those around us appreciation and we praise them for their accomplishments and sometimes it is a struggle to not want that praise too.  I related to this struggle when I read it in the book and the last few months have made this struggle even clearer.  Lately, this is a big challenge for me! I am "just" a teacher; I am not working on my masters and I am "just" a mom. I have a few Facebook Friends who post about their work or lives and their posts fill up with comments praising them for how great they are or how hard they work. My first thoughts when I see these posts are usually 'So what! You did _____ but I did _____.'  

I realized that what it comes down to is me feeling unappreciated. I want to be told that I am great, doing amazing things and am a fantastic person that is loved by all (I tried to warn you that I was going to sound pathetic.) Being a teacher is hard. I am surrounded by people all day, but I rarely have a meaningful conversation with an adult. Being a mom is hard. I am constantly worried about keeping them fed, rested, clean, healthy and happy.  Being a spouse is hard.  It has been almost five years and I am still learning what it means to balance thinking about other's first while still taking care of myself.  Plus accepting the fact that another's life has a great influence on my own and I have little control over this influence is hard for my controlling self to accept.  Being a person in general is hard.  Our calendars are full and there are always things that need to be done.  

I do not think I am alone in my desire to feel appreciated.  I think it is a struggle for many if not all that shows itself in many ways.  I can offer no magic solution but I have learned that putting words to an emotion or experience often help me find a solution. That is my hope for this post. I hope it helps me find clarity and just maybe it can help someone else.  I may sound silly or pathetic, but I have a feeling that I am not alone. 

I don't know your individual story and I don't know what you have accomplished, but please know that you matter.  You are important! We may not hear it enough, but that does not make it any less true.  So whatever you have done today, here is your gold star! ★