Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Mama, Why You Upset?

The other day while in the car I was talking to myself and fuming about something. I honestly don't even remember what I was upset up.  In the grand scheme of life it was small and inconsequential, but in the moment I made it into a life altering issue. Then a small voice from the back seat made me aware of the errors of my way.

"Mama, Why you upset?

Simple question right.  There are so many simple answers: my phone is going to die, we are late again, I'm tired, someone is being a bad driver, someone was rude, the plane is late, traffic is a mess.... My exact reason for being upset in that moment escapes me (clearly it was life altering and important). 

"Mama, Why you upset?

In that moment I realized that I did not want to admit to my three year old (or to myself really) why I was upset.  I have clean drinking water, I am safe, I live in a land of freedoms and opportunities, I have a caring family, I have healthy children who are growing and learning, I have a supportive husband who puts up with me, I have wonderful friends who are always there, I have access to books/YouTube and endless learning opportunities and I have my faith.  In the grand scheme of things, those are far more important than my phone battery being dead or my computer not working quickly enough or Kiddo 1 not going to bed when I when I want her to.

Lately I've been an emotional mess. Sleep deprivation has really taken its toll. Having two young kids who do not always sleep well has really messed with my schedule. For the first time in a year, my husband and I went golfing. It was four hours away from my kids and although I truly love them it was amazing! I left the house that morning cranky because once again we were running late (which I feel we always are), but I came home from the course smiling and a good mood. 

What changed? I didn't get anymore sleep. I had some free time which helped me relax, but at the core, nothing was really different.  My outlook changed.  My perspective changed. One speaker I listened to lately made a great point when he explained how reality is the story we tell ourselves. What we perceive becomes our reality, but we can change what we see and the stories we tell ourselves.

Emotions can be fickle. I've heard many speakers say you should not live based on how you feel in a given moment. The theory seems sound but it can be such a struggle. When I feel angry I want to be angry. I don't want to remind myself that everything is okay and I just need to relax. It's so easy to get sucked into that emotional place and live in the emotion of the moment. Today was a great reminder that living life this way is not the most beneficial. No one wants to have a boss who is only nice when the business is doing well, or a spouse who is only kind when they are happy or a person who is only kind when things are going well. The same is true for our emotions.  I will not always feel like doing something or being a certain way, but being controlled by my feelings and emotions is not a stable way to live a life.

"Mama, Why you upset?

I don't want to answer this question from my three year old with because my phone is dead.  My energy is better used for beneficial outcomes. 

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