Three Years

Three years ago today I married my best friend.  Now, I know everyone says that and honestly everyone should.  If you don't think you are marrying your best friend, I would take that as a red flag.  In the past three years I have moved from Alaska to IL, started two new jobs, moved into my husband's house and in June we celebrated our daughter's first birthday.  Sometimes I can't believe it has been three years and other times I wonder how we are going to make it.  I know the statistics are not favorable, but I am confident that we are too stubborn to give up.  Regardless of how frustrated I become with my husband, I know there is no one else I would want to be stuck with (plus, I realize I would endure many of the same issues.)  Marriage is hard.  It is wonderful, but it is a challenge at times.  In three years I have learned more about relationships, communication and viewpoints than I did in my previous twenty-seven years on this earth.  

• People can look at the same situation and see it very differently.  When it comes to men and women, these differences are sometimes even greater.
• Don't assume anything.  What I say and what he hears are not always the same thing and vise versa.
• When you are mad at someone, it is very easy to make a list of their faults.  Don't let yourself get into a cycle of negativity. 
• Be intentional about everything: how you treat others, how you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself and how you spend your time.
• We each value different things and we value them differently.  
• Don't let how you feel dictate your life.  You may not always feel like being kind but it is almost always the best choice.
• You will see what you focus on.  You focus on their faults and you will see more of them.
• Your brain will see what you tell you tell it to see.  How you answer: Marriage is ________ and my spouse is ________ are vital.
• Just because it makes sense in your head does not mean it makes sense to someone else. 
• Let it go.
• Forgive.
• Don't keep a list of offenses. 
• Be clear on what you expect.
• Chances are your spouse will not see everything the way you do. 
• Keep your word.
• Give people a chance to process.  Don't overreact due to their first reaction.

As with everything in my life, I see parallels to life in general and teaching specifically.  These lessons are beneficial to all relationships.  Our students need our positive energy and they deserve teachers who demonstrate love, forgiveness, intentional behavior and who are not controlled by their feelings.  In the end marriage is about getting along with someone, which is true for school, a job and life in general.  Life is about relationships and how we treat others and how we interact are vital for happiness.