Missing Out

It has been a slow process but I have finally learned a life changing lesson.  

I will always be missing out on something.

Due to my husband's work schedule and his Masters Program, taking care of the kiddos and our house has mostly fallen onto my shoulders.  A few weeks ago he offered to take Kiddo 1 to the Children's Museum, but we had not been there before and I did not want to miss that experience with her. Everyday it feels like I have to choose between spending time with my family and getting school work done.  At the end of the day, I don't want to miss experiences and memories with my kids. So, I pile more things on my plate and I sacrifice sleep in an attempt to get everything done.  For months now, I was convinced that if I just figured out how to do this working mom thing better my life would be easier.  I just needed to figure out a better schedule or be more organized or not sleep as much.  Last night was a moment of clarity for me.

I will always be missing out on something.

Once again (for the third night this week), my husband had a school event, so entertaining the kiddos was all on me.  At times I feel jealous that he gets to be out of the house.  I know he has work, but sometimes I would love to have time to get work done and not feel rushed or be on a time limit. For me, time to get work done and not feel rushed is fleeting and I envy that he has so much more of it than I do.

Last night was honestly one of the best Friday nights I remember in a long time.  Pick up did not go as quickly as I would have liked so we scratched going to the library and headed straight home.  Kiddo 1 and I started our Friday Fun by making a blanket tent in the play room. We have made tents in living room and in her bedroom, but never in this location.  It was something new and fun and she was very excited about it. She loved clipping the clothes pins everywhere. We made homemade pizza for dinner and Kiddo 1 had a blast putting hand fulls of cheese on her pizza and spicies (pepperoni) on mine. After dinner we made popcorn and she insisted on putting the corn into the popper by the handful.  We played Disney Yahtzee and ate our popcorn inside the tent. I was impressed she lasted twenty minutes playing a board game.  We "played" with Kiddo 2, called Nanna, had ice cream for snack, watched Tube (YouTube) and went to bed without much of a fight.  Kiddos and I were all asleep by the time my husband got home.

I know there is nothing special about any of these activities, but they are wonderful memories that I have with my kids.  I have these memories and my husband misses out because he is at work.  Yes, there are times I would love to be in my classroom working or to go grocery shopping without wrangling 2 kids, but last night showed me that these moments are important. 

 I will always be missing out on something.

Sleep, time for myself, time for my family, time to get work done or time to clean.  Something will always be left undone.  It's up to me to pick which tasks get my energy.  There will always be something left on my list.  I will never be completely done.

I will always be missing out on something.

Dreams

I recently finished the book 'The Magnolia Story' by Chip and JoAnna Gaines.  One things that the authors talk a lot about is how they would spend time dreaming.  They dreamed about what their life would look like, what their business would look like and what they wanted to do with their life.  They dreamed all the time.  In many ways it sounded like visualization and I know from listening to the work by Joshua Medcalf (T2BClutch) that this can be a powerful tool. Sometimes I just need a kick in the butt or a gentle reminder about a tool or idea.  Reading this book gave me that gentle reminder.  I also realized that I spend so much time trying to survive the day that I don't spend enough time dreaming about life.  I am trying to dream more. Trying to be intentional.  When I dream about my life it is split into three categories: Family/Friends, Professional and Personal. 

I dream about ...

Family/Friends

• Being a happy person; smiling and full of positive energy.
• Being filled with beneficial self talk.
• Having strong relationships with my closest friends.
• Having strong relationships with my family.
• Being intentional with my words and actions.
• Being a spiritual person and spending time in Bible Study and Prayer.

Professional

• Having a positive impact on my students.
• Leading by example.
• Feeling organized.
• Being happy and sharing the joy of music with the school/community.

Personal

• Reading books.
• Learning something new everyday and getting better.
• Being Happy.
• Finding peace in the balance between home and work and self.

I am a firm believer that we need to be intentional with our thoughts and words. Days go by fast and without being intentional, we risk loosing time and wondering where the days went.

When is the last time you dreamed about your classroom or life?

Thank You Kiddo 1!

I have been cranky lately. Little things are bothering me more and I have to admit I am not always the best company for my family. I feel stressed, overwhelmed and tired more than I ever remember. After talking to coworkers and friends,  I now know I am not alone. It took me a while to stop feeling like a failure (those feelings still come back some days). The guilt of not feeling good enough is a real struggle. I am slowly accepting the fact that these feelings are normal. Young kids make life wonderful but they also make things more challenging. Simply knowing that others struggle with the same challenges does not always make it easier.  I do like knowing that I am not alone. 

This morning Kiddo 1 asked me to workout. I am sleep deprived and did not feel like doing much more than laying on the couch. Kiddo 1 would not quit. Someday I will learn to appreciate this qualitiy. Finally I told her we would go on a walk. My husband decided to join us and we made it a family activity. She walked a bit, wanted me to carry her, went on my shoulders, had her daddy carry her and sat in the stroller with her sister. 

After walking for about 20 minutes she decided she wanted to run. I started the walk feeling cranky and I finished our 45 minute walk/run with a smile on my face and feeling better about things. Thank you Kiddo 1 for "making" me go on a walk. Thank you for reminding me of the joy of running. These moments with my kids are ones I will always remember and they fill my heart with joy. I am excited to have a new running partner and I am thankful that Kiddo 1 does her best to help me start kind, thankful, focused and in shape. 

What I Know for Sure

I started reading 'What I Know for Sure' by Oprah Winfrey and it made me start thinking about what I know.  I am in a phase of life where I am learning new things. As a new mom, I am trying to learn everything I can in order to help make my life and the life for my family better.  I am only a chapter into this book, but I am already thinking; 

What do I know for sure...

• My faith is extremely important, but I do not make time for it like I should.
• My family is the most important thing in my life.
• Teaching is stressful, but I cannot imagine doing anything else.
• My students give me energy and fill me with joy (most days).
• Watching kids learn (my own and my students) is a wonderful experience and I feel honored to be a part of it.
• The world is full of hate, but most people are filled with good.
• Everyone deserves respect.
• You are more than your job.
• Life is hard.
• Many people are just trying to survive the day (I find myself part of this group often).
• Negatives usually feel worse than they are.
• Treating people kindly goes a long way.
• Reading is one of the best ways to spend my time.
• Treasure moments.

What do you know for sure?